What it Feels Like to be a Teacher Right Now

 It doesn't feel great, that's for sure.  Last Sunday, I drove to work to pick up my one state allotted rapid test. (Yes, you read that right. I drove to work on a Sunday to get 1 rapid test.)  There's no plan to test kids and apparently no real plan to test teachers either.  It really sucks.

On Sunday, it all really hit me and I was feeling super emotional.  I don't want to go into an unsafe environment (and with so much Covid floating around it doesn't feel safe even if they say there isn't school transmission) and I certainly don't want to do anything to get my kids sick.  It was actually the worst I had felt throughout the whole pandemic.  I was picturing crushing staffing shortages and having to revert back to stricter protocols with kids who pretty much have had free range for four months.  It all felt super overwhelming.  Then Glennon Doyle did what she does best.  She put all of my feelings into words with a call to muster up our inner power and it felt a bit better.  (I listed to the theme song of her podcast every day last week.)

I feel like I'm doing two jobs right now. I'm teaching my in person kids and I'm putting work together for the kids who are home.  It's a lot and it's overwhelming and I'm over it but I'll keep doing it because that's what the kids need. (Or we could all go remote for two weeks and I could just do one job but I get that that's not an option.)

I also feel like we've been left behind again.  Am I a teacher or am I just part of a system that the economy depends on and that's my worth- just keeping the economy going?   It's a tough feeling right now.  Thank goodness for the kids because they keep me going.